thank you very much indeed

Today I find myself lamenting mental illness. Gorgeous creative and imaginative souls, and rare loving hearts, flowing into nothingness, futility, squawking oblivion behind the inability to cope with reality. I guess in some wise the awfulness of reality is to thank for their dazzling blazes before they fizzle on the altar of truth, but the waste makes my bones ache. I feel like flesh wrapped around lead. The sense of loss is so acute.

Has it ever been thus, that humans with the most potential go crazy in the face of the need to risk their lives? Are those who will not willingly actually risk their lives, even for the sake of their children, doomed to insanity if they have had the mental acumen to, somewhere behind their fortifications of denial, realize what is going on? I can’t think it. We’d long-since have fallen into some form of global fascism, turned into a very large hive of pure brutality. So there must be conditions under which intelligent life forms finally stop frying their own wires to escape the duty of adulthood, or there must be some condition where human selfishness really does give way to the kind of altruism upon which all life depends.

How can I express my contempt for the charmers who make nurturing sounds, but let you die in front of them? How can I make the point that ego and libido are the same thing, and abominations on this world stage? Global emergencies loom and you can’t face having to move? You can’t face bankruptcy? You can’t face making unpopular sounds at the office or in church... on your stupid blog? You can’t face being the bummer at the dinner party? You can’t face the fucking mirror without your personality splitting into a cascade of demons? Okay, run to the loving arms of your family, your fans, your pets, the other drunks at the bar! It’s your choice, but they won’t upbraid you for it. No. Indeed, no. Nothing but excuses, including substances that make you too sick to keep being crazy, all around.

Do I feel for you that you’re too conscious for even this to do the trick? Not if you’re simply going to get nastier and crazier in your craven hissing, more self-righteous in your utterly baseless sense of superiority. Shame seems to be a limitless energy source, but I’d like to know why you can’t just identify it, drop it and do better. Hard as that is, it is dirt simple and the fuel for your insanity has been switched off. Pft.

Or. Maybe I am entirely mistaken. Maybe it is only the blessedly stupid, with no capacity for insight at all, who ever end up saving humanity, and the planet, from the predation of vicious psychopaths. In that case, one really has to pray that total economic collapse comes right now.