11 November 2007

unknown knowns


Many years ago I dreamed I was in the arms of a caveman under a tree. That was it. It felt like total bliss. Inseparability. Nothing else. Utterly unforgettable dream.

The other night I dreamed I was embracing a mound of humanity that was covered with a blanket in this same way. Whoever was under there was about to emerge from his covering and the thought crossed my mind that I hoped he wasn't an ogre.

Last night I dreamed I had gotten out of bed to go to some other part of the house, but the room directly outside my bedroom was utterly dark... not even the merest shadows to guide me through it. It crossed my mind to turn on the light, but I opted to just walk through it anyway... put my hand out to keep from bumping into furniture. I put my hand out and my fingertips were immediately met with a counter pressure from a man's finger tips. I started to withdraw mine, but the light counter pressure remained constant, now seeming to be pushing me back into my bedroom. I felt fear. Not terror, just the fear of not knowing friend or foe in total darkness. It seems to me I'd spoken but was unanswered, but maybe I'd thought to speak but was too afraid. I can't say for sure. Anyway, I was pushed back into my bed by these unknown fingers.

Seems to me these three dreams are connected, and it seems to me the last two depict a deep failure here.

So it seems to me I need to work on this.

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