n e u f n e u f: okay, i'm not braggin': i'm freakin'

11 May 2008

okay, i'm not braggin': i'm freakin'

I have, or once had anyway, a ridiculously high IQ. I have always tended toward the Einsteinian in as much as I'm usually good for really hard mental problems, but virtually useless in things as crucial as, say, remembering that I'm on my way to Point B after leaving Point A. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have gotten up from my desk in something like a rush but not remembered I was on my way to the bathroom until I'd given up my mission and sat back down at my desk. My secretary was mortified by it. I got so I would announce my intention to pee so that I could hear myself and follow through. Her stock reply became, "I'll alert the media." That particular problem seems to have morphed into me just plain not even getting the impulse to make that trip till I have to pee worse than I have to go on living.

So. We have established that I have a lifelong tendency toward absentmindedness. Right?

It's gotten so much worse over the last ten years that it is outright horrifying to me, and for the last three of those ten, the lights have been dimming right along with the pouring my coffee water into the filter holder that is sitting in the sink, NOT in anything designed to contain the result. I just now topped myself by boiling my cowboy coffee dry TWICE in a row. My house is filled with coffee smoke, and I'm poring over the phone book, looking for a Control Freak to hire. I need a goddam manager! A do-it-all who needs a know-it-all. A WIFE!.

I'm all stoked about all these things that were lacking in my bloodstream now entering it steadily, but I don't think my brain has really picked up on it yet. I was actually what anybody would call "alert" on Friday... but... well... TWICE IN A ROW!

That's just flat out appalling. If I suddenly disappear from the tubes, you'll know I finally burned my house down.

[Fill in your own long string of favorite epithets here.]

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