the audacity of fafnir

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The Audacity Of Hope

So now everybody's all "oh, Hillary Clinton can't win the nomination" and "oh, Hillary Clinton can't be president" and "oh, Hillary Clinton, haven't they sedated her yet." Well that's just talking crazy talk! There's tons a stuff that can happen between now and the convention to make Hillary Clinton the nominee, so you just cheer up, Hillary Clinton people! Here's just a few of the many electoral scenarios that could make Hillary Clinton the next president of the United States.

Barack Obama is suddenly eaten by giant pill bugs.

On the way to the convention Barack Obama is confronted by gangs of outraged delegates from Florida and Michigan, who feed him to their giant pill bugs.

Hillary Clinton wins Puerto Rico, just as expected. In a surprise twist however Puerto Rico turns out to be ten thousand times the size of Puerto Rico.

An obscure quirk of DNC bylaws forces the nomination to be settled by spelling bee. Hillary Clinton gets the word "cat," while Barack Obama is eaten by giant pill bugs.

By the time [of] the Democratic National Convention only one delegate still supports Hillary Clinton. His name? Jesus.

Hillary Clinton challenges Barack Obama to one last debate, where she tricks him into saying his name backwards, making him disappear into the fifth dimension in a puff of pixie dust.

Just when everything's lookin real bad for Hillary Clinton an she's all outta money an votes an delegates an nobody wants to be her friend anymore an Barack Obama's about to give his acceptance speech an right outta the blue the whole Democratic Party jumps out from behind the couch an yells "SURPRISE!" an it turns out they all voted for her an liked her an remembered her birthday all along! and Barack Obama is booed offstage where he is eaten by giant pill bugs.

So Barack Obama's all "I will defeat you Hillary Clinton and steal the nomination forever ha ha ha" but Hillary Clinton knocks im down with her kung-fu action punch like KA-SMMEESSSSHH! but Obama's all "now I shall reveal my TRUE IDENTITY" an he turns into this evil cyborg dude here an fires his auto-launching arm missiles like KA-PEWW, KA-PEWW an then Godzilla an the Decepticons show up but Hillary Clinton fights em off with her laser breath an her robot pony friends an it's totally awesome an that's when the dinosaurs attack.

Labels: fuck you '08
posted by fafnir

May the buddhas of the ten directions rejoice....