nemesis

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Went in for the results from the-night-from-hell last week. I knew it was going to be psychedelic, but... pfeh... heavy sigh. Beside the insomnia and the restless leg thing and the outrageous breaches of anything like normal sleep phases, it's mostly hypopnea, but there is plenty of apnea happening too. My wealthy socialist gentleman is quite likely to find the specter of 99 with a mask strapped over her nose and mouth and a machine pushing air into her... uhm... well... unattractive. Just guessing, but....

Not one single solitary second of Phase 4 sleep. All the wrong amounts of everything else. Granted everything was worsened considerably by my inability to do my spinning thing while all hooked up like the Bride of Frankenstein, but, on a graph, the travesty of my slumber is nauseatingly apparent. All my little slamming to sleep and waking immediately back up again things really leap out at you, so to speak.

The good part -- heh, heh, heh -- is that reading the results positively delighted my doctor. I believe she became giddy with the sheer volume of problems to tackle. Since the the apnea thing is the most urgent, we start there, but there remains the problem of getting me to sleep and staying asleep, and then if we feel very ambitious we can even try to make these things happen at night time AND at a reasonable hour.

So. I do hereby announce that I am going to develop an air of feminine mystique for the first time in my entire life. My wealthy socialist gentleman and I will have separate bedrooms, and he will only be allowed to visit me in my boudoir when I look like me and not someone in the intensive care unit....

Scott says, "Is it because yer fat?" Hardeeharharhar.... He's known me for thirty years. I'm chubby to compare, but... GODDAMMIT! I'M NOOOOOOT FAT! I can see when my contacts are in and well over half the women out there in the world are wider than I am... considerably... even many of the girls! I'm usually a size 8 and I'm a damn size 12 now, which is huge, but still, goddammittalltohell Scott, not fat.

Did you know that lack of oxygen in your sleep causes you to gain weight? Well, it does. It's bad for your heart and your blood pressure too. It's bad for everything, on top of turning your brains into oatmeal and dragging your sorry old ass.

So. Watch the hell out! I'm getting that contraption in a few days and wait until you see my brain on oxygen!