dreadful decay of dharma

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You do not burn yourself alive over not being allowed to perform a stupid ceremony. You do not give your life for religion. You give yourself in defense of life, to ease the suffering of sentient beings. That was just stupid, and the whole bit about Buddhism being made into a religion is just stupid. The dharma is there to impart a specific message, it's the key to understanding reality, NOT a fucking religion. Motherfucking stupid willfully ignorant fountains of false piety drove that poor kid to martyr himself for NOTHING, for zero, zilch, nada, bukes!

Fuck!

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And, well, ya know, I have to get up from this cussedly inferior machine betimes, missing out on a lot of my usual rounds, and went off in service to the ever-demanding rulers of this roost... the cats. Doors must be opened, and cans of food. The punishment is dire and unrelenting if you don't perform. So I was out with a cigarette just behind the eaves drips, the cutoff between dry and very wet, thinking about the documentary I watched years ago with the stupid and pathetic Tibetan nuns telling of being outcast and worthless and as good as dead from having been raped by Chinese soldiers in their efforts to obliterate the Tibetan religion. You can't obliterate the dharma. You can rape it ceaselessly and it doesn't lose its adamantine incandescence. If a Buddhist nun could be stripped of her nuntude for having been raped, she was never a Buddhist nun, or those who conferred this distinction on her weren't Buddhists, just bald guys in dresses.

Then my mind traced over what I was trying to say to Trish about homosexuality, about sexuality in general, in America, and never seem to be able to find the right words to express what I mean. I am for human rights and for anyone who wants to get married being able to get married, but I don't exactly approve either. It isn't just homosexuality, it's sexuality in some of the forms it takes. Many homosexuals insist they are only able to emotionally bond with a member of their own sex, and I doubt that is true for some and believe it is true for many. Whatever. It's their right in any case, but I have had too many gay men tell me they chose to be gay because women are just too much work, too demanding of the kind of attention they are unwilling to give. Too many lesbian couples have very frankly confessed to me they are together because men are too brutal or unfeeling and too much work, whereas they can have a fulfilling relationship with each other and just forget all that trouble over men.

And guess what? Lots of heterosexual encounters, of whatever duration, are as bereft of emotional or spiritual attachment as these homosexual unions of convenience. They are all about on a par with rape... minus maybe the hatred and violence of intent.

I say you never have sex with someone you're not willing to be there for until you die... and not the kind where you only think that because you are besotted, but the kind where you know that because you know who you are. This horrifies people. I'm not even talking getting married, before or after. Real love-making is itself marriage. And I'm not even saying it has to be only with one person. But they are still horrified. They think I must not like sex, or I've turned into a censorious old prude. "It's natural. It's a basic animal instinct. It's as much a necessity of living as eating and pooping and breathing. It's beautiful." Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Then when I tell them there is intimacy far more gratifying than sex and more naked without ever disrobing, they really go batshit on me.

I have to say, too, that if you have been raped, get over it. It is one of the most horrible experiences there are on earth. It fills you with shame that seems to bubble up relentlessly from the center of the earth. The nightmares are unspeakably cruel. There really is so little worse than rape, but... GET. OVER. IT. The truth is: nothing has been harmed that you are unable to repair. Do the work. Repair. You hold on to that horrific victimization, all you are doing is violence to everyone in your life by that means... making everyone in your life feel the pain of your rape, and feel the oppression and frustration of dealing with all your excuses based on it. Get over it.

I'm pointing to a world far more lovely and lovable than the one we live in and one where people don't go around raping, with or without mutual concent, each other in the name of natural instincts, a world where young people are not misled to think that the mere means of preparing their minds for an important realization is so sacred in itself that they burn themselves alive, or get shot to death for trying to.

Still... fuck.

[You think my language is coarse? I think your world is coarse.]