i saved robin williams last night

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I've been having to do some power sleeping the last couple nights because it was getting too stressful for me there and the optimal sleep thing had gone too far south again. Night before last I was on a very long string of serious interactions about vital things and I am damned if I can recount one for you here. Last night was another odyssey and this time Robin was in trouble, needed me to save him, and I did. He was down and out, somehow impossibly outcast from his global fame and fortune, and I saved him. It was long and nuanced and that's all that will come out into words.

I was so crazy for him when we were kids that I ran from him under the pressure of his hello. I couldn't bear the blare of proximity to him. I was completely innocent and my cells would probably have flown apart at a touch. He performed for me once, just me, out in the empty audience seats at the seminary theater where they were striking the set of a show. Everybody was thumping around backstage. Robin was on it, with the director yelling at him to cut it out and come and help, but he stayed out there and did a whole show just for swooning me in the balcony. I kept thinking, "He should be famous. Why are so many duds famous and not Robin?" I forgot all about how too young to be famous yet we were. It was just a cosmic kind of should. A bolt of justice I always thought had to apply fairly.

I had another chance to talk to him years later, but there were too many famous people around and a friend in the midst of being very weird about her own celebrity, and it just felt all wrong to try to speak with him in that situation. Many times in recent years I have thought of him... not the Robin Williams out there being a comic and movie star, but him, the one I was SO crazy for when we were teenagers. I hope he's okay.