[click image]Agent BB2 has been spotted by this weird tank full of obese psychics under the KAOS HQ in DC and their neural chips are broadcasting images of the aging master spy who is, even now under threat of dire torture, mining fast food outlets at GITMO for me. Your solidarity, your deepest urges for sanity and clean arteries are required to break up the fat psychics' mental lock....
Turn that putrescent vat full of fascist fatties into a deep frier with the sheer force of your good intentions!
Urgent! Urgent! Drop everything. Red alert.
It's been a tough day...
ReplyDeleteFirst I had to put that dude with the over sized head and phony crown in his place, then I was ambushed by some little white haired dude with a bow tie and goatee. He got the first blow in with his cane and the brawl was on. He fought like some giant rooster - kept jumping up and hitting me with his feet.
I had to deploy the X26 S-DAPP (Synapse Debilitation Air Propelled Projectile) to stop his assault, but then KAOS agents, disguised as teenagers in fast food uniforms, cut through the fence and headed my way.
I was forced to deploy the X992 EADADD (Extreme Audio Dispersion And Deafen Device) even though it was still in the testing phase and had been shown to over-amp, even higher than 11, causing excess collateral damage,
The first 10 second blast sent those agents scattering, but they only went about 50 yards then started to return.
I swear I only set the control to 8, but the second time I hit the trigger the gauges went to 11.93 and it started developing feedback. Before I could get it shut down it was in an infinite Mobius Loop.
The next thing I knew there was a huge explosion and ball of fire, chicken was flying everywhere - hell it was raining flaming fried chicken. The air smelled of stale vegetable oil and coleslaw coated everything on the side which faced the explosion. I'm still trying to get it all out of my coat but I keep slipping in the gravy.
Those KAOS agents were nowhere in sight, they had hightailed it down the road towards GITMO. I think they realized they were safer there!
Tomorrow I am heading to whoop ass on that clown. He won't look so happy with those arches wrapped around his neck, buried in slimy, grease-ball, $1.00, double cheeseburgers! Then I hear there's some little girl with red hair, freckles and pony tail braids, trying to get in on the action. (Or should I save her for you to take care of?)
See if you can requisition some brandy from C.O.N.T.R.O.L. - they probably will say no and blame the economy. Then drink it all themselves.
Good news, BB2. I have been using advance hybridizing technology to blend the jackass with the race horse and the draft horse. The goal of course was to overcome the multitude of weaknesses in DLC. We shall soon have an ultra-fast, ultra-strong and willing agent for under the radar conveyance. Meanwhile, I have found that heading the brandy barrels off at the warehouse, before they can be routed through HQ for our requisitions, is the only way we will see our brandy. Sending the yaks is still a hit or miss sort of mission... but... well... very soon we will have some mules of transcendent conformation and character, and we will NOT be defeated by our own leadership anymore!
ReplyDeleteI dare say they will be big enough that you can ride them into these battles like the noble steeds that carried Arthur's knights into battle.
We SHALL prevail!
This is good news, dependable steeds indeed!
ReplyDeleteI shall have to make repairs to the corral when I return stateside. I let it fall into disrepair in the hopes agent DLC would wander off, but that stubborn ass is still hanging around. It seems the only time he wanders off is while you are on a mission - sometimes with you on his back, other times in the middle of the night while you are sleeping.
Shall I have Wendy requisitioned to that prison by you?
All of them! To the dungeon immediately! For the rest of their unnatural-born lives!
ReplyDeleteThere's special spray for cleaning gravy off your shoe phone... so don't worry about that.....
Yes, I've sent out for some Degrav x49 gravy remover - the new improved kind. Comes in spray-on now - magic foam lifts the gravy right off of the circuits boards.
ReplyDeleteTime for rest now - big day ahead. The bean pots are out in case the fast food teen agents are out in the bushes.
ReplyDeleteOur ONE absolutely failsafe defense!
ReplyDeleteAgent BB2 is ridding the world of Giant Corporate Poisoners and you want him to stop? Are you a KAOS agent? Do you like beans?
ReplyDeleteYou should really stop attacking Burger Kings, BlueBear!
ReplyDeleteA surprising statement after they put hair in his fish sandwich!
He must be KAOS - no other explanation!
I now have him under surveillance...
.
Whatever you do, DON'T follow him onto Facebook. It's teeming with agents and your shoe phone will be utterly useless there, no possibility of calling for backup. So stick with the pots of beans lure to smoke him out into the open.
ReplyDeleteFacebook is the hive of KAOS and my ex-wife is the queen.
ReplyDeleteShe obviously has taken our once admired agent in training under her spell. It may be too late to save him, but I have cooked up a special pot of beans with bacon and ham hocks in hopes of luring him from her grasp.
If I succeed we will have much deprogramming to do - perhaps the brandy will ease his pain.
We are going to need cartloads of beans and brandy.....
ReplyDelete