snake oil salesman gives a speech

[click image]

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Your speech is an insoluble puzzle to me. The diction is good and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the speech and the accompanying cheers profess to be the work of the same hand. The persons who endure those cheering you are without doubt the most ignorant persons now alive on the planet; also without doubt they are idiots, idiots of the 33rd degree, and scions of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your speech and your audience. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake, and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain
[as amended by 99]
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Here's a quick rundown, a broad outline, enough to make you think twice about listening to this shit.
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