my daisies are even taller than these and just as thick

[click image]

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I probably should not have picked the day when it's 85° out to tackle the annual daisy debacle, but, well, ah dit, an' t'warnt a walk in the park. I have this down to a science. I just go out and deadhead for a few minutes each day, and gradually the forest goes back down to knee and ankle high, but that silly broad who disapproves so heartily of my floozy bare feet is batshit crazy for my daisy patch. She asked me to let them die out better this year so she could get seeds, has some dream of blocking off her view of the other neighbor, who really is a floozy.

She's 70, bottle blond, built like a brick shit house, drives a very expensive sports car and feigns trouble with her blinds at night while clad only in a negligee, right across the street from where all the Hispanic dudes hang every evening with their beer and bullshit. And Mrs. Don't-Let-My-Husband-See-Your-Naked-Feet is, of course, beside herself over this.

I thought to be scandalized, too, but decided that if any of those Hispanics wanted to take her up on her offer, well, more power to her.... It wouldn't be rape. Clearly.

Anyway, I couldn't let this get any more out of hand and told my neighbor to get the deadheads she wanted because my daisy patch was starting to depress me, and then went and pulled the obnoxious weeds near the redwoods while she took her dizzy time, and then I went out and started wailing on it. I stopped pretty quickly because sweat in my eyes really bums me out, came back inside and busied myself doing something less taxing, waiting for the sun to sink a little lower and maybe not make me quite so miserable. It made me miserable anyway, but then I got mad and wouldn't stop.

I took a picture of me—beat red, dripping sweat and daisy jungle fooferah still clinging—with which to scare you badly, but I scared myself too badly—real 'orror show, it was—had to wait a couple minutes, towel off some of the dripping wreckage and try again. I'm sorry I couldn't stand to give you the full picture here, but maybe this is close enough to give the general impression.

There is a huge mound of daisy stalks with a bunch of worried spiders in it trying to figure out what the heck went wrong out there next to the toolshed right now, and I have lived to tell about it.

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