disoriented

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Maybe we should change the name of my theme song to "Unmoored". I have been feeling fairly markedly disoriented for days. I don't feel like I'm in this world. I'm not of it, but I'm supposed to be in it while not of it. I remember feeling this way the day before the '89 earthquake that dropped the Bay Bridge and rattled my house so hard I thought a truck was driving into it. I'd like to think it's my frequency rising to the next dimension, but I don't think that's it. Somebody look up in the Merck Manual for a dread disease that is characterized by a pervasive sense of being out of phase with one's surroundings. Please. I'm not depressed. I'm not happy. I'm not any particular mood. I'm just very, very weird, as though I'm splitting off, a combined lightness and heaviness that do not intersect, do not meld... out of phase, out of phase....

I'd get in my tub if I had one! Yessir. I'd get in there and soak myself good, right this very now. My not-a-tub will not do for this. I know it in advance. I know when I can get in there and pretend, despite the unlovely maneuvers required, and when I just cannot. Now is such a time... and it's been going on for many days. I'm OUT of phase.

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And, it's clear that I still cannot brook the sight of Alan Dershowitz, even late at night, without screeching at the top of my lungs and sputtering invective so loudly that lights switch on across the neighborhood. It takes months and months to regain the mental poise to even MENTION this stuff. And even out-of-it as I am right now, kabam! I want to reach through my monitor and rip out his throat. Not Zen. You might agree.

Anyway, I think RT may be airing American Radical this weekend a few times... but I'm obviously unable to get through it still, much as I love and respect Norman.

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I am knowing about all this because I couldn't wait for Max interviewing Alex to come up on YouTube, and so have been watching it air—via LiveStation—on RT. I heavily recommend it to you. It is good for the spirit to hear them together. They are nonpartisan. They are screaming the truth. They are making a dent. They are supporting us in making a dent. At LAST some REAL MEN are carving out the space for SENSE. They are a couple of the kind of guys I've always wanted on my side... and they perfectly crystal clearly ARE on my side.

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love, 99
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