30 January 2011

i know it's mad

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But I want all my windows and doors open. That dream I had in one of my three-hour sleep shifts upset me in a place that does not translate out here such that you could understand.

I was running into his bathroom to take a shower, but he got there before I could get clean and he hollered at me my most crushing defeat in utter dismissal. I ran for my big canvas bag of things and had great trouble finding them in a huge dorm. I was going to get all my stuff together, ready to leave, to be banished, and go back and tell him I wanted one more chance, knowing he would give it to me if I would but do the work it would involve, but the bag I was sure was mine was turning into someone else's and a young blond thing was sweetly reminding me these were her items and I should not be going through them. I was confused at first, but then saw she was right. I apologized and struck out to ask for my chance, but there were people screaming for help, wedged into crevasses and caves and locked into stocks or hung up on pegs, wailing, wailing wailing. One of them was demanding my help for his/her daughter who was about to give birth but was going to do it such that it would kill her or the baby and it was going to happen any second and I was screaming, screaming, screaming, "DIAL 911! DIAL 911! DIAL 911!" as I saw someone being yanked bodily from encasement in the side of the cliff, like an elephant from an Anasazi ruin, or a grub from a tree trunk....

I awoke with a blazing feeling in my throat and sinuses that also pushed out through my ears... a sort of burning cross from the base of my neck to the top of my head and out both ears. My muscles and nerves were on wrong, too, and my heart had lit out for a circuit of interstellar space. I decided against immediate witlessness. Going to put it off for a while and do other things first. That's when the fighter jets started blowing out everyone's ears.

In the last day I have slept three and been up for three, slept three and been up for three, slept three and been up for three, slept three and been up for three. This is a distinct change from that marvelous early to bed and early to rise thing I got to enjoy for a couple weeks. This is my life... and all my windows and doors are wide open on a cold January night. I am clad in a LOT of very warm clothes... and stalling still on the witlessness to make room for a bolt of insight instead.

love, 99


  1. I tellz yiz, I knowz from chic.... I oughta be famous.

  2. Chic, don't you mean Chycz.


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