08 March 2008

because it seemed to correspond to the truth

[Harold Pinter, Nobel lecture, 45 minutes]

Watched some good movies tonight. Two of them turned out to be about people loving each other... just passing and family and everything in between. I got a lot from them, a break from the intensity of my dissatisfaction with the general state of things around here, the insights I've been having, the unspeakable stoppedness of this... this....

I have a book by Idries Shah. Learning How to Learn. I've read it quite a few times. The one part that really stuck was when The Sufi is telling the spiritual tourists to go away, mentions their circular thinking. I have been experiencing extreme difficulty talking to people on the telephone for months and months, maybe a couple years. I love my friends and family very much. I don't want to talk to them. I get something like angry when they call. I talk with them the way I truly talk with them when we're not talking, and something else completely ends up happening on the phone. Circular thinking. It's like being trapped in a big slow clothes dryer.

I need to drop the irk, and figure out how to communicate.

I've always needed that.

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