01 July 2010

way past time for a nice cleansing cry

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I had a really good dream this "morning". I dreamed of agonizing stuff, of 86 coming back and a stultifying number of really awful floozies coming back with him, telling me in no uncertain terms that no matter what they were also in his life. It was really heavy. I just stood there as a sort of parade poured into a kaleidoscope of this action played out in front of me. At length, I pulled 86 from this crowd of awful moving into my life and told him gently but firmly that I didn't want him with me if the rest of this stuff was part of the bargain.

Immediately as I told him that the general atmosphere and attitude of everyone in this jumble turned intensely happy, intensely loving, where only a moment before it had been the very portrait of fundamentally awful.

I had so wanted this day to bloom into something sparklingly positive on that account, but, here, I think the cry is the most appropriate to our coördinates in space/time.



  1. Thankfully Kaela only wants to train dogs and llamas...

  2. "Train" llamas? Has she met one? LOL

  3. Re 86...

    Kind of like when an old friend talked me into getting a facebook account to access his stuff.

    Within 2 weeks I received an email through facebook from my ex-wife of 35 years ago.

    Sheesh - that account was closed in an instant.

    I had enough of her (how do you say "male floozies") back then.

  4. Has she met one? LOL



  5. Well, it was only a dream... full of symbolism... the only floozies in 86's orbit are drug-addled alcoholics in his vicinity while hardening off his liver... and, believe me, the only intimacy that involves is swapping spit on cocktail glass rims... and nowadays he doesn't ever sober up enough to fit one in for proper floozying... so the floozies were more likely representations of the constellation of modes of WASTE around the central concept of the front of great artistry and intellect "concealing" just waste... the window dressing for the absolute being sucked into a vortex of meaninglessness.

    86 is the most appalling waste of talent and heart I have EVER encountered. I cannot express the transcendental WORTH he has pissed away for grave illness. So I think the whole dream was about me saying "NO" to wasting life... and that is what the buddhas found so wonderful as to reward with that marvelous lift out of kaleidoscopic awful.

    All my dreams are Buddhist symbolism. I can't mention in public what this means, but it is so. It's part of why I am so upset when I can't remember my dreams. I know that when my mother or sister or aunts, uncles, cousins are in my dream, it is about dealing with relative reality, but I think when 86 is in the dream it's about the absolute. All of Zen revolves around the various modes of integration and separation of relative and absolute. So I have to think about this dream more.

    I always call male floozies "fucksters" because they're not even manly enough to merit "fuckers"... but that might not work for your purposes?

  6. Good for Kae! All the llamas I ever met were, or seemed, less amenable to coöperation than camels... who ARE amenable to it, but not very amiably amenable, darn temperamental about it. Could be just the difference in the generations raised here after the initial influx of them. I haven't been around llamas in twenty years and maybe they've become more docile about human interaction in that time... or like ALL domesticated animals... their temperaments pretty much reflect their relations with their owners. Both llama owners I've known are pretty damn crazy. Anyway, good for Kaela!

  7. One of these days I'm going to take her up to a llama ranch outside of Marysville to see what it is all about. The folks there show there llamas so it has been a little difficult to arrange a weekend visit when they are there and we don't have something else to do.

    We just happened upon the llama cart along the American River one day. The gentleman was very gracious and sat and talked with us for a long time. The llamas were well behaved, but then every animal I've seen around her morphs into a well behaved being - she has the touch!

  8. I left rather abruptly last night - had to relax my brain - watched Spielberg's Dual

  9. Leaving work now - see ya

  10. I guess that should have been "Duel"!



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