25 January 2011

the state of our dystopia

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Little-known "fact": the psycho-president is the reincarnation of the psycho-pharaoh....

In honor of "the chosen" one, Democratic-Fascists and Republican-Fascists will not split themselves across the aisle from each other tonight. Isn't that so darn cozy?

Oh, oh, you'll pardon my tone, please, because I'm stumping for HUMANS to unite AGAINST murderating fuck space lizards, NOT space lizards to unite against humans.

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Legislators, for the first time, are allowed to bring their digital gizmos to the SOTU... and are expected to be making their outbursts on Twit-Face... so, suckers, don't say I didn't warn you.

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5:40pm PST: The interminable clapping begins... yer earplugs are in yer junk drawer under various twist ties too cute to discard and rubber bands long past the integrity of their rubber. Best get them handy before this gets seriously annoying.

So far, I've been happiest noting how focussed on the persons staying out to allow for continuity of government the commentators have been. Seems it isn't only me at least subconsciously hoping the ground opens up and swallows the lot of them in one transcendental Gaian gulp....

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6:30pm PST: So far, it's apparent GPY feels our loss of jobs to India and China is due to those countries doing a better job of educating their children. If only we will do a better job of educating our kids, we will be even more #1 than the already and still #1 we are, plus, bonus points, we'll straddle the immigration thing precisely fifty-fifty together... and, so far, not a hint that we have troops anywhere on the globe.

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6:42pm PST: AT LAST WE'RE GOING TO LOWER THE TAX ON CORPORATIONS! OMG!

You heard it here first.

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6:48pm PST: The austerity part.

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6:55pm PST: Consolidating/reorganizing federal agencies. At last, all agencies are dismissed, except DHS.

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6:57pm PST: Finally lies about getting out of Iraq, while bragging about our moral authority... amazing, amazing orator, no?

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6:59pm PST: Finally begins bullshitting about our glorious Afghan mission and promises to bring our troops home starting in July.

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7:00pm PST: Brings up Pakistan and puts on his cowboy hat and shakes his fist at terrorists.

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7:01pm PST: Invokes S.T.A.R.T. and the reset with Russia and Asia, and projects same for South America. I know they're quaking with anticipation for that.

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7:03pm PST: Digressing into incoherent blather about Africa and standing with Tunisians, notwithstanding having stood with their dictator up to now. Everyone on earth wants what we have and we love the men and women who serve our country... and didn't mean it to come out the way it sounded.... This is, at last, the acknowledgement of our troops all over globe from all over this country. And, don't worry, you are now allowed to be a storm trooper no matter who you love. One giant leap backward for all Gay Americans.

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7:07pm PST: Must be winding up because he's back to giving Sarah Palin's Facebook speech from just the other day....

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7:10pm PST:

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN THE STATE OF OUR UNION IS FUBAR.


Oh, no, wait! Chilean miners! Plan B. Rescue. Little guys doing big things. Oh, how inspiring. Gott bless this great idea for a new company.... I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. WE DO BIG THINGS!

Yes, we motherfuckin' do. Over a thousand bases, bitchez.

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7:13pm PST: FIN.

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love, 99
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15 comments:

  1. OMG - you actually sat through it!

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  2. Libby got me the book!

    Mark Twain's Autobiography Volume 1.
    All 735 pages of it.
    The actual biography is about 270 pages. The introduction is 59 pages and the rest are the dictations and references.

    Oh - Look here!

    The left hand column takes you to the various parts. The "Next" in the upper right hand corner takes you to the next page.

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  3. I did it out of love for all sentient beings. I'm going to do a vigil, listening to Michael Tsarion all night to get over it.

    OMG! Mountains of Twain. We'll never see or hear from you again.

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  4. The ground did NOT open up and swallow them. We are so fucked.

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  5. Yellowstone is bulging at a record pace.

    Perhaps....

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  6. Here's what's been pissing me off the past week.

    0. In addition to the existing on going bullshit.

    1. The JP Morgue vs The (SCRA) Troop Mortgages

    2. http://www.infowars.com/naked-body-scanner-blamed-for-womans-death/

    3. http://www.infowars.com/chicago-artist-faces-15-years-in-prison-for-recording-cops/

    4. Conspiracy theory with Jesse Ventura - 9/11

    5. http://www.floridaoilspilllaw.com

    In no particular order

    ~p

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  7. Yes. All vexing as fuck. Woulda been nice if Cinderella had addressed any of this tonight, eh? We got a joke about pat-downs.

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  8. If yer gonna do play by play you could at least cover the championship game.

    Protests in Egypt - live updates.

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  9. Thanks for the link, Sam.

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  10. WOW you set through that for us, so many thanks. You'll never be able to get slime off you know.
    jo6pac

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  11. You are welcome. It was horrific, but my bodhisattva vow bid me do it. I have been heaping Tsarion and Zeitgeist upon myself, at the expense of sleep, ever since... I anticipate the slime removal will be complete as soon as I have consumed enough positive energy and dunked myself in a vat of ACID.....

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  12. No, No - Caustic Soda will resolve the slime to soap - it will rinse right off and leave you cleaner.

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  13. Oh, so I should just go buy a Coke and pour it over me?

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