10 July 2010

really

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He's the best... and so was she....

SO WAS SHE.

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UPDATE: Just got to catch the last few minutes of Bringing Up Baby thanks to my senile old friend not telling me it was on... though, obviously, I was feeling it on the airwaves... AND... Mr. North, now Arsenic and Old Lace is on. I managed to make the huge screen tv work... so... guess what I'm doing... no commercials... PBS... well not IN the movie anyway.

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reason 85,672 to hate nixon

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I was, and still am, an avid Dick Cavett fan. Nixon should have been impeached for this alone.
However it happened, Cavett enjoyed listening to the tape. "It was a thrill having the great unindicted co-conspirator mad at me," he said at a press conference for Pioneers Of Television. "I'm glad the son of a bitch is still dead."
Me too.

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serious ricky ricardo abuse detected

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I don't know if I can countenance it.

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if yer wonderin' what keeps me clinging to the coast

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You should know that I tend to start thinking someone's beaming the sun at me through a magnifying glass when it hits about 74° out.

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The weather readings at this link are not going to hold in the hot hot hot hot hot zone except if you chance upon this post in a similar weather pattern. Ukiah has not gotten as horrifically hot as forecast this week... neither has Sacramento... seems all our heat is preferring to just go sit over the Eastern half of the country. They're welcome to it... especially in DC. I think it would be optimal to raise the ambient temperature of Washington DC to, say, two hunnert and twenty degrees.... Not for long. Just long enough to boil 'em all alive while we get about putting this planet back into some reasonable approximation of healthy... dreaming... dreaming... dreaming....

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money-grubbing genocidal maniacs

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Space lizards, space lizards, space lizards....

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oh, please

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Uhm, would it be too much to ask to keep drug-addled lesbians OUT of the fight to save this woman?

FUCK....
Iran to review woman's stoning verdict
By NASSER KARIMI (AP) – 4 hours ago

TEHRAN, Iran — The lawyer for an Iranian widow sentenced to be stoned to death for an adultery conviction expressed cautious optimism Saturday after Iran said it will review the decision, which has drawn international condemnation.

Human rights activists and other officials, however, warned that Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, a 43-year-old mother of two, could still be hanged.

The outcry over the death sentence is the latest thorn in Iran's relationship with the international community, with the United States, Britain and international human rights groups urging Tehran to stay the execution.

Stoning was widely imposed in the years following the 1979 Islamic revolution, and even though Iran's judiciary still regularly hands down such sentences, they are often converted to other punishments. The last known stoning was carried out in 2007, although the government rarely confirms that such punishments have been meted out.

British media reported late Thursday that the stoning would not occur, citing the Iranian embassy in London.

Mohammed Javad Larijani of Iran's human rights council told the state news agency late Friday that the "review and appeal of the verdict is on the agenda," though he maintained it was not due to outside pressure.

"The hue and cry that the West has launched over this case will not affect our judges," he said. "The implementation of Islamic regulations like stoning and the headscarf have always been faced with their impudently hostility and opposition."

He added that converting sentences of stoning to alternative punishments has been common over the past years.

Ashtiani's lawyer, Mohammad Mostafaei, said he was optimistic the review would bring an end to his client's suffering after years of living "with the nightmare of death by stoning."

Amnesty International, however, warned Ashtiani should not be executed by some other method, noting that three people sentenced to stoning last year were instead hanged.

"A mere change of the method of execution would not address the injustice faced by Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani," said Hassiba Hadj Sahraoui, Amnesty International's Middle East and North Africa deputy director in a statement Friday.

Human Rights Watch, one of several groups publicizing Ashtiani's case, said she was first convicted in May 2006 of having an "illicit relationship" with two men following the death of her husband — for which a court in Tabriz, in northwestern Iran, sentenced her to 99 lashes.

But later that year she was also convicted of adultery, despite having retracted a confession which she claims was made under duress.

Mostafaei said the trial had not been fair because Ashtiani had no access to her lawyer during the trial.

"I entered the case after the verdict was issued," he said, insisting that Ashtiani had never confessed to adultery and there were no witnesses.

In its report Friday, the state news agency added that Western media, specifically BBC and Radio Free Europe's Farsi services, had launched a propaganda campaign over the case.

Opponents of the Iranian government held a protest outside the Iranian Embassy in London on Sunday to condemn the death sentence. Several celebrities, including Lindsay Lohan, also have taken up her cause.

The last confirmed stoning death was carried out against Jafar Kiani, a man convicted of adultery in northern Iran.

Iran's judiciary did not elaborate on how the stoning was carried out. Under Islamic rulings, a man is usually buried up to his waist, while a woman is buried up to her chest with her hands also buried. Those carrying out the verdict then throw stones until the condemned dies.

Ashtiani's stoning was approved by the country's Supreme Court, but the law could allow the judiciary to order another trial or appeal for a pardon from Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who has final say on all state matters.
Please?

No. Really. Do you suppose some fat NWO type told the bitch she could keep her KMA card if she provoked the Iranians to keep stoning people to death this way? If this fucking bacchanal we call a culture were not enough of itself to make anyone wish to return to the harsh realities of yore, sending one of its prime products to bitch about the lethal injustice could put even this poor woman's staunchest supporters back on their heels. "Dumbed down" is too generous a term for this stuff. We have to make a new one.

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second time in two days mainstream makes me scream DUH!

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Believe it or not, I'm trying manfully to be graceful and ladylike about it. It's getting too hard!

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the compensation for betrayal

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They make it darn comfortable for those who will put an official stamp on corruption.
Clintons dealing for $11M Westchester mansion
By JENNIFER GOULD KEIL
Last Updated: 10:54 AM, July 10, 2010
Posted: 2:57 AM, July 10, 2010

Looks like Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton are moving on up — to a deluxe mansion away from prying eyes.

Sources told The Post the Clintons are planning to trade their almost-modest suburban Chappaqua home for a sprawling $10.9 million estate in the bucolic Westchester town of Bedford Hills, complete with 20 acres of gorgeous land surrounded by New York's elite.

The massive compound — sweetly named Clover Hill Farm — comes with high fences, two guesthouses and a mansion fit for Bubba's millionaire lifestyle.

The home — found only after a long cruise down a private road — is 7,000 square feet with a large foyer, wood paneled library with fireplace, chef's kitchen with fireplace, five bedrooms, six full bathrooms and two half bathrooms.

Although it was built only 10 years ago, the entire mansion retains a rustic feel with exposed wooden support beams. The master bedroom has its own fireplace, along with his-and-hers dressing rooms and bathrooms. The "hers" room is two stories tall.

The house also features a wine cellar with a custom wet bar, an outdoor fireplace, a heated pool, artist studio and stable.

The current owner, Paul Wallace, founded the Manhattan real-estate firm Broadstone Group. The 74-year-old retiree declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy in Westchester federal court in May.

His property had been on the market since December.

In between international jaunts, the Clintons have made repeated visits to the five-bedroom compound and plan to sign a contract on the property "within weeks," one well-placed source said.

The Clintons are so keen on the estate that the deal could come within days of daughter Chelsea's July 31 wedding to Marc Mezvinsky in Rhinebeck, that source added. The ex-president and his wife, the secretary of state, were looking at other homes in Bedford Hills, the source said.

When they seal the deal, they'll ditch the Metro-North crowd for the likes of Richard Gere, Martha Stewart and Glenn Close, who all have homes in town.
And they make it equally uncomfortable if you don't. Sometimes the only way you can get comfortable is when they suicide you, but that, as we all know, is way too infrequently the choice made. The DC Madam had more integrity in her little finger than both the Clintons together.And don't forget to be gleeful over Mr. Wallace's soft landing....

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i deeply regret the loss of the spiritual leader of the protectors of lebanon

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I wish Hezbollah continued success in defending their countrymen from the murderating fucks to the south, and the murderating fucks from here. I wish the same to Hamas. I wish the same to Iran's Republican Guard. All three defenders of their brothers and sisters and wives and mothers and fathers and aunts and uncles and grandparents and neighbors are courageous fighters against monstrous greed that treats life as respectfully as it does fecal matter on its soles.

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oscar's verdict is pulling me out of my near death experience

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Nothing like moral outrage to put the spark of life back in a body.

BB2 added this link to the mix on the post below, and it's just typical of all the evidence at trial that was screaming for any free and decent juror to return a flat Second-degree Murder verdict, with commentary to the affect that it was SO obviously gratuitous as to make it verge on FIRST-degree Murder. BB2 also says the feds are looking into the feasibility of taking on some "hate crime" bullshit to "involuntary manslaughter" and much as I want this pig to rot in prison for a very, very long time, I don't want those fuckers putting this crap on top of already too much crap. It's just an effort to take political advantage at the price of further ruining our quite nearly DEAD justice system.

We should as stridently reject the DOJ on this as we do the filthy verdict in the COLD-BLOODED MURDER of Oscar Grant. We should try to take comfort that the guy's karma is permanently ruined. He will be a pariah for the rest of his life, barring some transcendental enlightenment and transcendental atonement for his crime. And we should be dragging those fucks at Main Justice out from behind their desks and never letting them back.

[I chose this image for Oscar because the facial expression is that of a true human looking at the dangerous twits, aka wasichu, who do this sort of thing... one third amusement, two thirds contempt... in the expression, of course... because the contempt is unquestionably wholehearted.]

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house calls

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We want our house calls.
Mont. group shuts down cannabis caravans
By MATT VOLZ, Associated Press Writer – 7 mins ago

HELENA — A Montana advocacy group is shutting down its traveling medical marijuana clinics amid criticism that the so-called cannabis caravans have added thousands of people to the state registry without conducting thorough patient screenings.

The Montana Caregviers Network has hosted the one-day clinics in hotels and conference centers across Montana for more than a year. For a $150 fee, the group brought together those seeking to become medical marijuana patients with doctors willing to prescribe pot.

Starting next week, the group will forgo the clinics and instead team up with medical marijuana distributors — called caregivers in Montana — to provide regular doctor's office hours in Billings, Bozeman and Helena, in addition to the group's base in Missoula.

"It is being changed partially because of the criticism of the traveling clinics. Also, from the business end, it's no longer sustainable," group spokesman Chris Arneson said. "The traveling clinics no longer allow us to serve our patients the best we can."

The clinics were a major factor in Montana's medical marijuana patient registry jumping from 842 people at the end of 2008 to just about 20,000 at the end of June.

But over the past few months, the clinics have come under criticism as being assembly lines that sees hundreds of people at a time, but at the expense of proper medical examinations.

An interim legislative committee drafting a bill to shore up the state's medical marijuana law has been hearing from people who say the pot boom goes against the aim of the law to provide care to people with the most debilitating illnesses or conditions.

Meanwhile, the state medical board tried to curtail the mass screenings with a position paper released at the end of May saying that doctors who recommend medical marijuana must follow the same standards as doctors prescribing other medicine.

The board fined a physician who had seen about 150 people in 14 1/2 hours at one of those clinics last year.

The Montana Caregivers Network has a doctor who now works full-time with the group in Missoula. Under the new model, he will go to Billings, Bozeman and Helena once a week to provide recommendations for new patients and for current ones seeking to renew their one-year eligibility, Arneson said.

The Montana Caregivers Network will still handle the records and still charge $150 per recommendation.

Board of Medical Examiners Executive Director Jean Branscum was out of the office on Thursday and Friday and did not return requests for comment.

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09 July 2010

46 warships and 7,000 marines to costa rica?

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Whut?
|| - To my knowledge at the present time, Costa Rica is not suffering from any "humanitarian" crisis.

|| - The article did not make it clear what sort of "humanitarian missions" might take place.

|| - The article did not mention where any "humanitarian mission" might take place.

|| - Based on the truly horrific, drug crime related slaughters we have witnessed in Mexico, wouldn't it be better conducting these kinds of heavy weapon "anti-narcotics operations" in northern Mexico?

|| - With what is probably the world's worst environmental disaster going on right now in the Gulf of Mexico, surely it would be more appropriate to conduct "humanitarian missions" in the Gulf?

|| - Or, could these crucial warships and the 7,000 US Marines be fleeing from something far more dangerous that is about to happen in the Gulf of Mexico?

|| - The article did not make it clear whether these vessels would be patrolling off the Pacific or Atlantic coast but either way, is it possible they are on their way to Venezuela? Either as a show of force or something more serious?

|| - Does anyone know if any of these ships carry nuclear weapons?
Whut?

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heavy sigh

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I think I really might be getting closer to where I'm just going to be a cranky old out-of-it codger.

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omg

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OMG

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food poisoning might be worse

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Than listening to today's Democracy Now! or it may only be that people trying to recover from food poisoning should NOT have gone here.

Too late.

I ate another stale scone... warmed... with an itsy bit of butter. It gave me a stomach ache.

And so maybe it's just the wretchedness of this condition, or maybe it's the wretchedness of OUR condition, but this is fucking apocalyptically wretched any way I try to slice it.

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you know, stop me if i'm wrong, but

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It seems to me guys like Jeremy Scahill don't keep writing about this stuff for their health. Yes, yes, I'm sure they're all pleased to be able to make their way in the world by reporting on things it is vital for us to know, but it's vital for us to know ONLY if we translate the knowledge into action. It isn't supposed to be like watching the latest episode of CSI.

You get that. Right?

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off with their heads

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Democracies, so called, have taken on all the horrible aspects of monarchies....

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i know you can make it good

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A pep talk for the timid.
What can we Do?

For those who care about real freedom, genuine progressive reforms and this Republic in general, there are all sorts of things you can do and they are being done all over the place. I actually think this group will fail miserably and ultimately be brought to justice. I simply think too many smart people have woken up to the scam and the entire system will implode on itself. So as I have written before the key is NOT to be consumed by fear but rather to take action. Get your finances in order with gold and silver and other real assets but also get mentally and emotionally prepared. This is because if you are not in a position to help your neighbors then you are no good to anyone. This will not be about hunkering down in a bunker and emerging rich once the dust settles. It is about staying intact financially and emotionally so that you can help rebuild a better nation when the current world paradigm comes to an end, which should happen swiftly, within the next 1-2 years. Most importantly do not look for leaders to save anything or anyone. It not about looking outside; it’s about looking inside, as Gandhi said. If we become the change we want to see in the world, the world will change. Messianic leaders are a myth meant to control you and stop you from personal action and independent thought. Thinking a new leader will change the world just gives you an excuse to be lazy.

Let’s do this.
Find yer courage.

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less jail time than someone who wrote a bad check

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Even if his defense were not an obvious lie, thinking he was only using his taser is quite nearly as bad as thinking he was using his gun. His victim was handcuffed and on the ground. You can't turn that into any reason to use a taser on him. We've all seen the video. There was absolutely NOTHING accidental about it. The jury, here, is acting just like the frightened world did when we plucked a bunch of innocent men from Afghanistan and threw them in a torture prison.

It's all about the mechanisms of fear. It's all about being cowed by the powerful. It's all about might over right... subintellectual goons thinking might IS right.

And you wonder why I've been dreaming of King Arthur....

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UPDATE....

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ANOTHER UPDATE....

I wish I could be in Oakland right now. Doesn't look as though they're getting the message.

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did any of us ever doubt this?

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Is this some kind of surprise? Did ANYONE, anywhere, let alone the United States, actually think an invading army paying big money for "bad guys" was doing anything more than rounding up punching bags for our terror campaign? Wasn't that EVIDENT on its face? WHO in the whole world honestly doubted this was bogus, was anything more worthy than a thug showing off his superior capacity to frighten everyone into submission to his will?

I'd call Wilkerson a Boy Scout, but I think Boy Scouts are generally less credulous, harder to fool.

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if you're looking for me, i'm in bed

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Thinking it is well I don't remember ever being this sick before. I know I must've been but maybe I can blot out the memory of feeling so awful that death doesn't seem like a bad option. I feel now as though I'm going to live and I ate some sourdough toast with cream cheese a little while ago. There are ominous rumblings but I haven't broken into a sweat or barfed it back up yet. So I'm going back to bed. I haven't been out of bed very much for the last 24 hours. I'm sleeping in one of those fancy future foam things and have been too sick to enjoy it.

I am predicting a general state of wellness to come over me in the morning.

Don't burst my bubble.

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08 July 2010

OMG! i got ALL of them at once

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World record barfathon right here last night, and I am now the title holder. The trick is to grab something suitable to catch the barf while you sit on the toilet. It saves so much work and knee pain. Nobody has ever barfed this much, ever, nor the other end. My body has made it clear to each and every bacterium in the world to stay the fuck OUT of here or you will be very forcefully evicted.

I'm sipping apple juice cut with distilled water and just got up the nerve to eat a little corner of a stale scone. Now I think I will go to bed and see if I can stay there until I don't feel like someone beat me to within an inch of my life. It's kind of amazing I didn't break any bones....

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07 July 2010

oooh yooou dooon't say...

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Excuuuuuse me, all my bragging this evening... punchy... but, heh, even before I learned about this scalar/torsion physics stuff, I had some monster objections to what the particle physicists were trying to put out there, those quantum mechanics who go wild when I call them that. They, of course, and maybe even should, take umbrage when someone who hasn't a clue what she's talking about pokes holes in their elaborate, abstruse, so-lofty-as-to-be-intergalactic-sounding theories. I've found myself having to side with Einstein in these matters and it pisses them off. They try to dismiss it as me just having a crush on Einstein. Since most of how I know they're off it is contained in that no-language zone and so I must say I do NOT sound like I know what's involved. I refuse to do the jargon... not the least because the jargon is only about making stuff that isn't that hard seem insurmountably imposing. I am no physicist, but I can figure out when they're full of shit pretty darn quickly. They get steamed about it. How dare I? It's swiftly apparent that I really do make myself clear-enough to them, though. The steam. Then their only advantage is the ability to save face with paternalistically-toned gibberish, sounding to lay persons who may be within earshot as though they MUST be expert. This can leave them seeming as though they may have just won an argument with me when what they're actually doing is akin to picking burst bubblegum bits from their whiskers... and everyone is vexed why I'm the one laughing.

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the optimistic way of saying it


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Harley is a special case. A psycho. Or was when he first came to live here, well out of puppyhood and OUT of control. He stands about a foot tall and a foot and a half wide... maybe two feet long. He's a VERY well-fed specimen. And ALL terriers don't give a damn what you think or want until you force their attention. They really ARE as loving as advertised, but not on your terms. And the part about a fence? Give me a BREAK. The fence that will stop a Cairn is electric. I you don't put one of those electric-eye pain collars—those gizzies with which you make an invisible perimeter and something on the dog's collar gives them a beep when they get too near and a blast that sends them yelping into the air when they try to cross it—on them until they find out the hard way the limits of their kingdom, you are supremely likely to have roadkill for a pet very soon.

Do I sound harsh? Heartless? You don't know how many of them get carried off by the Wicked Witch to the pound, run over by cars and trucks, eaten by coyote packs or beaten to within an inch of their lives by their frustrated beyond the point of of self-control owners. Harley was known by the whole of Little Valley, which is pretty big, as The Escape Artist when he first moved in.

The part about the garden doesn't have to be true, but usually is, because people cannot bring themselves to be stern with such cute little dogs. Harley has a sandbox and one little corner of the garden he sort of trashes, but mostly he leaves it alone. He has a huge yard to run around in... and does, despite his bulk and ridiculously short legs. Cairn terriers belong out on the range, amid the cairns. They have more energy than ten people and they can dig to China in half an hour. They are amazingly wonderful little creatures, but your life—and the dog's life—will be hell if you can't figure out the obedience thing RIGHT away. They just want to know where they fit in the pack. If you don't oblige them in this need, they assume the worst... that they are in charge.

Harley loves Greenies and ice cubes... and antelope bones he's ripped fresh from his imaginary kill. The deer just stare at him like he's missing a cog. He is.

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i'm still kickin'... and chillin'


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Maybe can relax a little now with the walls full of books and the Cairn Terrier from hell who thinks I'm his pack leader... doesn't mind anyone else... and has at least doubled in width in the years since I've seen him... I'm getting myself a double depresso despite the hour... and going out on the the deck in the starlight with a cigarette and just soak up the silence here.

Do you realize I just now realized how AMAZING the speakers are on my iMac? Struth. I hope you have good speakers so you can hear the pretty things I try to find for you.

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i went roiling off to bed before midnight

[click image, a fabulous actor I never knew could sing....]

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Had been drunk for a good part of the evening. I had THREE great big huge margaritas out to dinner with Mom for Dad's birthday. Luckily, she didn't drink that much and she was driving. Also, luckily, I'd had a very big chicken breast sandwich and fries so that much booze didn't kill me. But I was good and sober again by the time I hit the hay.

I was dreaming of Arthurian Knights and their gallant feats of right over might. I was seeing for the first time some of the secret deeds of deepest antiquity taking place and needing to translate the images into something that would bring you the truth. It was like being a movie editor. I was seeing these men and their horses and their deeds about which no one in the world knows and trying to transfer snippets of the sight into video, into imagery, into a workable presentation of the beautiful truth to give to the world.

I was becoming so joyful in the feeling of the power to do this that it woke me up and sent me in here to my mother's not-a-computer to tell you about it. I snapped wide awake from it at 3am sharp.

I was going to be able to TELL you the answer to life, the universe and everything in images instead of numbers. You were going finally to know the beautiful truth that was channelling through me from the depths of spacetime to save the world. I did not stop to marvel at it. AS it was being shown to me I was working already to to turn it into YOUR vision, YOUR sight, YOUR elation and release from the benighted bumbling of consensus. My only part in this beautiful truth was getting it from my eyes into yours... and I'd known how to do it! Was doing it. And the happiness was so intense it woke me up at the stroke of three.

I was splayed naked on the cement slab in the guest room and grinding my face into my pillow so hard I think my nose might have moved several inches closer to my left ear. I also sort of had myself in a wrestling move I believe they refer to as a "choke hold". It was very elegant and involved getting part of my pillow jammed so hard into my windpipe that I know for sure whoever gives points for that action would have marked me very high in the suicide slumber division of the Olympic Self-Wrestling Trials.

I got to hug my Poppa at last. He couldn't stay awake too long on his big day, so it wasn't enough for me, but it still felt like heaven to just be there, just take him out of the crazy ward and sit on the patio, eating cookies and helping him sip on his favorite soda... just sitting and touching him.

I also found out the completely fantastical hallucination upon which my younger sister's twenty-year quest to make my life miserable has been based. OMG! It may have been better NOT knowing all that time because at least then I could think I must have done something while in a trance that wounded her grievously. I certainly never did any such a thing of my own accord and while I was awake in my own skin and not transported onto some plane where fairy soap-opera bitches descend from their airwaves to loose their perfidies on their highly imaginatively vindictive little sisters, but I guess I never realized until tonight that it could have its "basis" in a type of revisionism SO transcendental that it no longer holds any congruence with actuality whatsoever. The power of thin air.

But I saw Arthur's Knights saving the world tonight.

I don't know if I can even get it all across if I become a great movie director or novelist. I think I need to be able to just blast the beautiful truth directly from this end of this mind to that end of this mind, so you can at last know.

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05 July 2010

any messages?

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I will be running all over like the madwoman I am for the next few days and so here would be a good place to put any links I almost certainly will miss in the shuffle. I will have internet access just fine for the rest of this month, but pockets of needing to be functioning in the analog and so don't be alarmed, and do put anything you want to say or link right here.

XOXOXOX

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Midnight-thirty: Made it.

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from the sublime to the ridiculous

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It went from North Pole to sweater weather to almost too hot to stand up here, and, of course, the day I'm supposed to be driving for six hours is a whopper, even here. Usually if I leave here in the cool of the afternoon, by the the time I get down to where the afternoons are scorching hot, it's evening. Getting a very, very late start on it.

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It's being put about that:
1. 56% of Americans agree with the claim that there is a humanitarian crisis in Gaza;

2. 43% of Americans agree with the claim that people in Gaza are starving;

3. 34% of Americans support the Israeli operation against the Flotilla;

4. 20% of Americans “felt support” for Israel following announcement of easing of Gaza closure.
as though this were some sort of tragedy for Israel and also as though this were some sort of victory for Palestine.

It's horrifying.

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04 July 2010

you don't have the first part of a clue how much i love you

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Almost no one ever has and I know no one ever will again. The really true masters will warn you about it before they help you fall down a bottomless well. The charlatans will only put their hands together and keep trying to speak obliquely enough to fascinate you with their mysteriousness. True humans know before the light bouncing off them can meet our eyes.

You can't fathom this that is not bound, feeling with no borders anywhere, not a tuft of grass to grasp in your free fall. You go crazy building grids and bars and planks and topiary mazes so dense you never find your way back out. You hurt yourself, sometimes to Shakespearean extremes, and it isn't a tenth of actual pain, because of your air constructs more stubborn than steel. You haven't the first part of an inclination of what happens when you cease trapping yourself in them. It is a shock to find where it goes when you don't grasp anything. It's like the torsion physics the space lizard guys are apeshit behind... maybe it IS the torsion physics they're apeshit about.

You can punch through to the opposite of pain while still in it, but you cannot ever punch through to the opposite of love, only go deeper. You do NOT have the FIRST part of a clue how much I love you.

If you get a whiff, you immediately take it wrong. You immediately get it in your box. You THINK you do. You don't know you can love someone unspeakably more than even your spouse and NEVER be remotely unfaithful.

You live in a nightmare.

I had a friend, a man friend, early in my life online. There might be two other people on the planet who can make me scream with laughter like he can. Maybe not even that many. I didn't realize how fucked up he is. It wouldn't have mattered if he had not been such a liar about so much for so long. I probably even could have released him from his hell, pushed him down this well, and given him the keys to his cell... sat back and watched him redeem humanity singlehandedly... klutz though I am... or "ton of bricks" as 86's dad likes to say.

I pick up a pristine white feather from the smallest and most delicate dove and it slams people to the pavement. If I could teach myself the art of intergalactic indirection, maybe their teeth would stop chattering when I only look at the feather, the pristine white one sticking up from a tiny pot of sand here. You can't use a feather on me. Or, you can, and I will know, but I maybe will not remember to remember I know... or know and let it be neither not remembered nor remembered, decide that the feather is nice and wish to leave it be there. But I know, and you don't have the first part of a clue how much I love you, but I don't want you in my life if you cannot tell the truth, if you keep mistaking my feather for a ton of bricks you need to cart off and stack just so to reinforce your maze.

It's not relative. It's not of this world, even when you are in it. You can't wrap your pixels around this. You can't form it up into anything you like. It's alive. It's free. It's not you or me. I'm not going back to months and months and months of nightmares so intense they drove stakes through my flesh, shot me out of bed with the fumes of your HATE blowing in my ear, with the sulphur of your maniacal giggling echoing down my hallway, burning my nostrils, when you are practically half way across the planet. I'm not giving my organs over to be set hopping and banging against each other because it feels so good when you want it to. I have to ignore too much to bathe in it. It is no part of my business to insist you stop lying, and if you won't it wastes the few minutes I have left in eternity to be good for living things. You don't have the first part of a clue how much I love you. You don't have the first part of a clue who "you" is.

I was mentioning somewhere down there in comments about the White Horse bodhisattva from so long ago. His name was Joe. Just Joe. I met him in Tofino, BC. I was on a drive out of my skin and had brought myself to a halt there for three days to wait for a ferry to take me to Haida Gwaii. He was tending bar at the hotel where I stopped to try to plan out my stay, get my bearings, find the will to the mundane from out an apocalypse of pain. I hadn't slept in two or three days. He took one look at me. Asked me maybe two half-questions. Poured me a drink. Took me by the arm to a restaurant across the street where they were serving fresh, that day, seafood, all you could eat. When my head was almost hitting the plate, he grabbed my arm again, strode me back to the hotel, ripped a room key off the wall, marched me to the room, planted the key in my hand and said, "Sleep! This room is yours as long as you want it. No charge." He was there the next morning to take me to breakfast. He kept by my side for the whole three days. Never once making any remotely sexual facial expression, or touch, or word. He was at my side in a way that was utter solidarity and not intrusive in even the tiniest way. When I left to go catch the ferry, he stood down, and told me he would be right there if anything went wrong.

We didn't have to know any more about each other than our first names.

At this very moment, twenty years later, I'd take a bullet for him, no questions asked.

He's everyone, and he is only him. He is both and he is neither. You aren't even on the same planet as I am! You don't have the first part of a clue how much I love you.

I can forgive you EVERYTHING, even war crimes, if you will but step into the truth and not turn back.

YOU IDIOT! I bet you think I'm trying to be poetic... or bragging... or crazy... or... let's go with your FAVORITE!

NEEDY!

Yeah! That's the ticket.

I'm sorry you lost your father. I am losing mine. It is his birthday on Tuesday and I get to be with him again, at last, if he lives till Tuesday. My father, who can't tell where he is in space relative to where he wants to go, and who can't talk straight and only realizes it half the time, KNOWS precisely how much I love him, KNOWS what's going on, is perfectly lucid inside a skin bag that has gone out of his control, and KNOWS his wife and other daughter don't think he's him anymore. I can't MAKE them either. I know precisely why they have been trying to kill me in my dreams since I was a little girl.

For his birthday he'll be with one who knows he's in there, will be able to relax inside the wreck of his dying body.

I heard some guys going on about the strangeness of cannibalism of people who would want to eat another's good qualities, and scratching their heads about people who wore medicine bags of cremated remains, Keith Richards snorting his father's ashes. A man I loved and revered died a few years ago and his wife had his ashes parsed into little gauze bags for each person who loved him so they could spread his ashes where they wanted. The bags leaked, left residue, little flecks of Norman, on our hands. Others wiped their hands on their clothes. I licked mine. They pretended not to see... but in that moment they were ashamed of themselves. In that split second, each of them saw.

My mother and my sister see. They won't have it, won't admit it, won't get real... either... not for any amount of love they have the capacity to even dream. Just like you, they bend what they see into something they THINK they can stage manage.

For myself, I can only thank the buddhas of the ten directions for the warning, for the push into this bottomless well, for the chance to love as much as I do, for the galaxies of pain shooting me into the universes of joy, for the tears shooting from my eyes into fathomless space.

No. For real, you don't have the first ion of the first part of that clue how much I love you.

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i'm moving to canada!

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A REAL bathtub... in a BARN... closer to polar bears.

UTTER BLISS.

Of course, DGPNorth may be toying with me, but, well... even just the idea makes me almost certain this is another one of my computer code, internet pattern dreams.

DON'T WAKE ME UP!

...[she screamed thirty seconds before doing it herself....]


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make one of these birthdays happy for me before i die

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IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. —That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.—Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

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pick up history and throw it in the air

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Ireland as the seat of all civilization! I love the bits of information inside all this. If that's not enough, here's another hour of Tsarion, blowing Judaism out of the water... among other things.

I gotta tell everyone on the feed that I screwed up the Max Keiser link yesterday, and I hope you didn't listen to the whole thing, wondering what the heck I was talking about. It's fixed now and you can click in and get it. Also, the "i warned you last night" post got a heck of a lot of Gulf Blowout stuff tacked onto it.

I'm trying to cool my jets a little now while I'm readying to head south for a few weeks. Housesitting for Peggy and Jim down in Mendo World and it puts me much nearer my Poppa. So I probably won't go whole days without posting things, but it could start getting a little weirder than usual for a little while.

I get to take care of the Cairn Terrier from hell for two whole weeks! THAT will be a blast for everyone, I'm sure. The little shit loves me to bits.

Anyway, here's a bunch of hours of wildness to cool out from the AWFUL of all the scary, scary, scary stuff coming down in the Gulf... or... well... I guess I should say "coming up"... now shouldn't I?

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I'M DEVELOPING A PERSECUTION COMPLEX!!!!!! BOTH THE PLAYLISTS I LINKED HERE HAVE BEEN TORN DOWN OFF YOUTUBE! ARE NOW AGENTS READING MY BLOG?

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